SNARK 3: COMMENTARIES WITH A SOMEWHAT NEGATIVE (SNARKY) EDGE

LADY IN A CAGE (1964)

This intense, well-acted entry into the Horror Hag genre that began after the success of WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? in 1962, is without a doubt one of the most thoroughly unpleasant movies ever made. Olivia de Havilland is trapped in the elevator in her beautiful house when the power goes out. With no way to call for help, she is terrorized by a bizarre group of thieves who break in to rob her blind and then decide to kill her. Another example of the violent cynicism of the 1960s deconstruction of American culture. With James Caan, Ann Sothern, Jeff Corey, Rafael Campos, and Jennifer Billingsley.

COCKTAIL (1988)

I finally got around to watching this very popular 80s Tom Cruise flick. Not a bad way to spend a quiet, mediocre night in front of the TV. The main reason to watch it is to study all of the acting tricks Mr. Cruise has been using since his younger days to ingratiate himself with the moviegoing masses. Like all romcoms, there is an endless onslaught of pop tunes to keep the viewers entertained, distracted, and, quite possibly, awake. Elizabeth Shue functions as a living, breathing reaction to Cruise and the aforementioned acting tricks. Within those particular confines, she does an acceptable job. Bryan Brown threatens to steal the picture and almost succeeds.

MODESTY BLAISE (1966)

The only reason to appreciate this film is the chance to see Monica Vitti lighten up and have a little fun after having starred in four deadly serious films for Michaelangelo Antonioni. Despite the fact that she changes clothes for every scene and has to kill a few people, the film demands zero from her in terms of acting.

True, she is joined by a cast of talented actors (Terence Stamp, Dirk Bogarde, Rosella Falk), all of whom play their roles with tongues firmly in cheeks. And there is a lot of color, some exotic sets, and enough 1960s artistic sensibility to make you think you've died and gone to Woodstock. With all of these positive factors going for it, you might think the film would be worth watching.

You would be wrong.

It must take a lot of effort and dedication to make a movie this boring, but noted director Joseph Losey has risen to the occasion admirably. There is a plot. At least I think there is. It's best not to attempt to figure it out. Healthy minds have been known to snap while trying to make sense of stories like this one. Far better to just relax, enjoy the scenery, and gaze at Miss Vitti as you wait for the movie to finish, at which time you can berate yourself for the 119 minutes you have lost forever.

NATURAL BORN KILLERS (994)

This film is conclusive proof that director Oliver Stone is:

(Please choose one of the following.)

1. A potential murderous psychopath who drinks blood for breakfast.

2. An escapee from a mental institution who needs to be sent back.

3. In serious need of extensive drug therapy.

4. A cinematic sadist who should never have been allowed near a movie camera.

5. A singular, courageous, iconoclastic film auteur who possesses (or perhaps is possessed by) a dark, disturbing vision of American society and its celebration of violence.

6. All of the above.

 

MONSTER FILM CLASS: AN OVERVIEW

 

Eight weeks of monsters. Vampires, werewolves, mummies, not to mention Karloff and Lugosi. What kind of a way is that to spend the last glorious days of Summer?

The best kind, obviously. My non-credit course, The Universal Horror Film: The Birth of a Genre, instructed by film critic and scholar Chuck Koplinski, was every bit as informative and enjoyable as I expected it to be. There were about twenty-five people in the class. To my surprise, many of the people hadn't seen several of the eight films we watched, in spite of the fact everyone in the class was over fifty, and most of us much older. Apparently, not every member of my generation was as obsessed with horror films as I was. 

Chuck chose the most classic of the Universal horrors, beginning in 1931 with the two movies that started it all: DRACULA and FRANKENSTEIN. Here are my thoughts on all of the films shown in class.

1. DRACULA  This film is still magic to me. So much unforgettable imagery. That amazingly atmospheric coach ride at the beginning, carrying the doomed Renfield to Castle Dracula. The entrance into the dark, Gothic castle, the silent descent of the Count down the long staircase, the first words from the mouth of Bela Lugosi: "I am...Dracula." Even though I've seen this movie many times and know everything that is going to happen, I still fall under its spell. And I'm grateful for that, because to lose that sense of magic and wonder would be like losing a part of my soul. The first segment of this film would work beautifully as a silent picture, no doubt because of director Tod Browning's experience in the silent era. Some critics and fans consider the rest of the film to be slow and complain about the lack of music. But I think the measured pace and the silence add to the ambience of morbidity and mounting dread. Bela Lugosi is, and will always be, the definitive Count Dracula for me. And Dwight Frye gives a standout performance as Renfield.

2. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)  This second horror triumph from Universal takes us into an entirely different realm of cinematic experience. We emerge from the dark, mystical silence of Dracula's castle and enter into the tension-filled world of an obsessed mad scientist. James Whale's directorial talents and sensibilities were totally different than those of Tod Browning. Whale was definitely rooted in the sound era. He also had a more imaginative, action-oriented style than Browning. FRANKENSTEIN is full of dark, expressionistic sets and quirky camera angles that unsettle the viewer and create an atmosphere of relentless tension. The film also gives us a monster that is both terrifying and sympathetic. Boris Karloff's monster isn't the personification of evil like Bela Lugosi's vampire. The Frankenstein monster is the ultimate tragic figure, and Mr. Karloff portrays him with just the right balance of conflicting emotions. The film introduces the prototype for all movie mad scientists, Dr. Frankenstein, played brilliantly by Colin Clive. And Dwight Frye is back again, this time as the doctor's assistant, once again threatening to steal every scene he's in.

3. THE MUMMY (1932)  Full disclosure: I had to skip this class because of a bad case of the flu. But I've seen this wonderful movie many times. Boris Karloff, by now established as the Number One horror star at Universal, is made up to look even creepier than the Frankenstein monster, if that's possible. In the opening sequence, he plays an ancient mummy named Im-Ho-Tep, excavated from his tomb and accidently brought back to life. The moment when this creature starts moving is one of the most terrifying scenes in film history. The mummy somehow makes his way to London and is using the name Ardeth Bey. His eternal mission is to be reunited with his ancient lost love, an Egyptian princess, who is reincarnated into the body of a lovely young woman played by Zita Johann. This film, directed by Karl Freund, has less action than the two previous Universal hit releases. But there is such an incredible atmosphere of dread and decay brought on by the appearance of Ardeth Bey, who is, literally, walking death. Another amazing Karloff portrayal. This movie has inspired many sequels, but none can compare to the original.

4. THE INVISIBLE MAN (1933)  I hadn't seen this film for decades and didn't remember very many details. When I saw it again in the class, my initial reaction was that it isn't really what I would call a "monster" picture. In fact, I'm not sure exactly how to classify it. Maybe science fiction, but maybe just a character study. However, it is a fascinating concept and very well realized on film.  Claude Rains plays Dr. Jack Griffin, who has discovered a way to make himself invisible by using a chemical called monocaine. He is driven insane by the chemical and pledges to create havoc by first committing a series of pranks. But he is eventually driven to commit murder. James Whale directed this adaptation of the novel by H.G. Wells, and it was another major success for Universal. Rains is sensational in what is largely a vocal performance. As he is wrapped in bandages most of the time, we only see his face at the end of the film. His leading lady is Gloria Stuart. The film features quite a bit of comedy, much of it courtesy of Una O'Conner.

5. THE BLACK CAT (1934)  The first teaming of Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff is probably their best work together. Edgar G. Ulmer directed this very loose, and extremely weird adaptation of the short story by Edgar Allen Poe and gave the world a visual masterpiece. Lugosi and Karloff portray mortal enemies with a long history going back to World War One. Lugosi plays Dr. Vitus Werdegast, a survivor of a prison camp, who is travelling by train to the home of Hjalmar Poelzig (Karloff) to seek revenge for betrayal during the war, and also for stealing Werdegast's wife and daughter. The sets and art direction for this film are fantastically bizarre, as is the cinematography. It's probably best that there is so much to look at, because the convoluted story may have some viewers scratching their heads. Along with revenge, the story also provides morbid sexuality, a suggestion of incest, and weird scenes of devil worship. Lugosi gives one of the most nuanced and sympathetic dramatic performances in his entire career. And Karloff creates one of his most evil, unsympathetic characters, exhibiting eerie restraint and quiet menace throughout. Featuring David Manners and Jacqueline Wells.

6. THE WOLF MAN (1941)  This is without a doubt one of the most beloved films in the Universal canon. Lon Chaney gets so much sympathy from the viewer that the story is as much a tragedy as it is a horror film. I don't recall finding this film scary when I first saw it as a kid, but it's always great fun to watch, even after multiple viewings. Chaney plays Lawrence Talbot, returning to his Welsh home after years of schooling in America, welcomed by his father, played by top-billed Claude Rains. Larry is bitten by a werewolf (Bela Lugosi in a brief but crucial characterization) and becomes a werewolf himself. The scenes of his transformation, the thick fog in the dark forest, and the ferocity of the werewolf attacks all contribute to an exciting cinematic experience. Chaney would reprise the role four more times, always playing the accursed Lawrence Talbot with intensity and sincerity. The film boasts an incredible supporting cast: Ralph Bellamy, Warren William, Patric Knowles, Maria Ouspenskaya, and the marvelous Evelyn Ankers, who would reign as Universal's #1 scream queen.

7. THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935)  It's almost a cliche at this point, but so many monster fans have said that this first sequel in the FRANKENSTEIN franchise is superior to the original film. I'm not sure I agree, but BRIDE is so wonderful, and so different from the first movie, that it not only fulfills all expectations for a sequel but stands totally on its own merit as a classic. James Whale returns as director. He is joined by Colin Clive and Boris Karloff, beautifully reprising their roles from the original film, and also by Dwight Frye, who plays the doctor's assistant, but this time as a different character. For me, the main attraction will always be the glorious appearance of Elsa Lanchester as the bride of the monster. Her screen time may be brief, but she is unforgettable. Absolutely weird and wonderful! The film is fast-paced and gives Karloff's monster even more sympathetic moments than in the first movie. Colin Clive reaches new heights of mad scientist mania. The humor is provided by the insinuating Ernest Thesiger and the always frantic Una O'Conner. Also featuring Valerie Hobson, Gavin Gordon, and O.P. Heggie, with brief, uncredited performances by Walter Brennan and John Carradine.

8. DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE (1931)  Our instructor decided to show a film that was influenced by the success of the Universal horror films but produced at a different studio. He chose this award-winning film made by Paramount Pictures and directed by Rouben Mamoulian. The film won an Oscar for Fredric March for Best Actor. Other nominations were for Best Adaptation Writing and Best Cinematography. This movie is designated as a classic by most critics and fans and is included on lists compiled by the American Film Institute. I hesitate to commit blasphemy here, but I must admit I'm not a fan. While I appreciate parts of March's performance, I find his Mr. Hyde makeup overdone and almost laughable. It's hard for me to believe that the audiences of 1931 were in any way frightened or convinced by the makeup or the overdramatic portrayal of the evil Mr. Hyde. When I look at Hyde, all I can think of is Jerry Lewis in THE NUTTY PROFESSOR. I can't remember if I saw this version of Robert Louis Stevenson's story back in the 1960s when I was being introduced to the classic horror flicks via television. But I did see it on the big screen around ten or fifteen years ago, and I was quite disappointed. It wasn't just the Hyde makeup, but also the stilted dialogue and overly mannered performances of most of the actors. The one amazing asset this movie has is Miriam Hopkins. She is incredible in every possible way as the tragic victim of Hyde's cruelty and violence. She alone makes the film worth watching. I was hoping a second watch of the film might help me to appreciate it more, but it didn't happen.

Mr. Hyde notwithstanding, this class was a thoroughly rewarding experience. Another class is beginning in February: Silent Film Classics, with Chuck Koplinski as instructor. Can't wait to get started!! Stay tuned to these pages for a full report!

3 SNARKY REVIEWS TO BEGIN THE NEW YEAR!

 

HOOTENANNY A GO-GO aka ONCE UPON A COFFEE HOUSE (1965)

It's shocking to realize just how bad a movie can be. This was no doubt intended to cash in on the hootenanny music craze of the early 1960's. Presumably, that particular cultural trend came to a crashing halt after people saw this movie. The action, if you must describe it as such, takes place in a "cool" coffee house frequented by young college age types who are supposed to behave sort of like beatniks, but not really. The pseudo-Beat crowd is entertained by an endless succession of musical performances, each one more boring than the one before it. And there's a "hip" music/comedy act called Jim, Jake and Joan. The Joan in the group is none other than Joan ("Can we talk?") Rivers. Miss Rivers, young and just beginning her legendary career, is no less irritating and unamusing then when she was old and on her way out. In between all of these artistic events, there is some sort of plot. It has to do with the new owner of the coffee house trying to fit in with the hip crowd and win the attention of an attractive girl singer. The insipid dialogue spoken by the untalented actors almost made me wish the music would start up again. Almost.

That's Joan Rivers of Jim, Jake and Joan fame. A future star is indeed born.

CASE 39 (2009)

Somewhere between BRIDGET JONES' DIARY and JUDY, Renee Zellweger found herself treading water, literally, in this fairly ridiculous thriller. She plays a caseworker for Child Protective Services who rescues a ten-year-old girl from being horribly murdered by her parents. She lets the child come and live with her, only to discover that the kid is the monster, not the parents. This is yet another over-the-top, by-the-numbers horror flick that almost seems like a parody of the Demonic Child genre that began with angelic-looking Patty McCormick in THE BAD SEED, and reached its lamentable zenith, or nadir, depending on your outlook, with creepy Linda Blair in THE EXORCIST. Personally, I intend to avoid any future evil kid movies after surviving this bloody mess. The film's highlight is Bradley Cooper with hornets coming out of his nose. Try and top that trick, Hollywood. Undoubtedly, they will.

NOVITIATE (2017)

This is a lapsed Catholic fever dream masquerading as a motion picture.

 When agnostic single mother Nora Harris enrolls her daughter, Catherine, in a Catholic school, the girl finds herself drawn to the religion and becomes a convert. At age 17, Catherine feels a calling from God to enter a religious order, much to the dismay of her mother. The story takes place in the early 1960's when the Second Vatican Council was beginning the reforms that would forever alter the practice of Catholicism. The film follows Catherine's life in the convent, including her struggles with faith, discipline, and sexual awakening. It also shows how all of the nuns are affected by the changes imposed on them by the Council and the turmoil they're all experiencing.

Writer/director Margaret Betts has managed to make religious life seem so completely miserable and pointless that it's a miracle anyone would ever choose such a life. While the story does, on rare occasion, try to demonstrate some kind of balance and neutrality, it's difficult to trust a film that has AGENDA written all over it.

There are good performances by Margaret Qualley as Catherine and Julianne Nicholson as her mother. Melissa Leo, an actress always worth watching, plays the Mother Superior as a woman so rigid, cruel, and repressed, that she generates as much horror as she does sympathy. Denis O'Hare shows up briefly as possibly the most unlikeable archbishop ever portrayed on film.

All things considered, this is a downbeat, depressing experience.

Somebody hand me the DVD of THE BELLS OF ST. MARY'S (1945) and let me reemerge into my Catholic comfort zone.