Get out your modern horror movie checklist while attempting to sit through DARKNESS. It will give you something constructive to do and may also stop you from falling asleep. Truth be told, this movie is so wretched, you might fall into a coma.
Now let's get to that checklist.
1. Family moves into big, creepy old house: Check.
2. Strange things start happening to the youngest family member, an adorable little boy: Check
3. His intuitive teenage sister strongly senses there is something wrong with the house: Check.
4. Things begin moving for no reason: Check.
5. Mom and Dad start to lose it: Check.
6. Ghosts start showing up all over the property: Check.
The story, if one insists on calling it that, is a derivative, convoluted mess. You can try to make some kind of sense out of it, but to preserve your sanity, it's probably advisable not to. Here are the basics: The house was built by some weird satanic cult that practiced child sacrifice. These sacrifices can occur only every forty years during a total eclipse of the sun.
Got it? I hope so, because there's no way I'm going through that again.
Anna Paquin plays the all-knowing teenager. As would be expected, she spends the majority of her screen time walking slowly down dark hallways, pensively approaching mysterious doorways (This is Number 7 on our checklist.), taking an eternity to turn the doorknob, while she and the audience wait in sheer, heart-stopping terror for SOMETHING HORRIFYING TO JUMP OUT AT HER. At other times, she's perusing old, musty manuscripts in the library to learn the history of the house and its evil, satanic past. When she's not studying the mysterious, musty volumes, she's finding mysterious, musty boxes hidden throughout the mysterious, musty house, the contents of which help her solve the big, musty mystery. In due time, our plucky heroine manages to drive out the pesky ghosts and rescue Mom, Dad, and her adorable little brother. Presumably, the family, once safe from their terrifying ordeal, will work as a team to clear out all of that nasty must and live happily ever after.
The cinematography fits the film's title. Everything is dark. All the time. There is a jump cut every four or five seconds. Some of the imagery is well done, but that in no way compensates for the ridiculous plot and the tired, by-the-numbers execution.
A logical question that might come up is: Why do filmmakers continue churning out mindless crap like this? Well, according to Wikipedia, that most trustworthy of sources, DARKNESS made a profit of over $24,000,000. There's your answer.
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